Sydney,
Don't worry about not being able to make it to conferences. Your
safety is far more important. I've gone ahead and pasted my comments
about your drafts into this email.
***
First of all, let me address the caliber of your prose here. I've said
it before, but it deserves repeating: you, Sydney, have talent. Your
descriptions are succinct, memorable, and well-delivered. Your voice
is clear and direct. People work their entire lives to hone skills
that seem almost second-nature to you. I hope that, long after this
class is finished, you still continue writing. Don't ever let that
gift go to waste.
Now, on to these assignments proper: Your poem is hysterical, and an
absolutely perfect example of what I hope students will accomplish
with this assignment. While you are telling the same story that your
other drafts tell, you've told it in a fashion that is completely its
own. As a result, the story feels new and exciting to your reader,
despite the fact that it's already been told to them in a different
fashion. Excellent work.
Regarding your inspirational draft: while I like what you're doing at
the end (and would encourage you to keep the work you've completed
there), I hope that you can go back throughout the story and revise
the description from the suspenseful text. Make this narrative feel as
unique as the child's story does! You certainly have the ability.
Good luck with your revisions, Sydney. Can't wait to see what you come up with!
***
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