his perspective

i saw you
sneak up the stairs
in this twin home
full of absent minded lovers.
yes,
i saw you.

you waited for a moment
when you thought
they wouldn't notice
but i did
i saw you.

you crept around
broken bottles
and summer skin
and stole my heart
as you stole their liquor

and then
you saw
me
studying you
that glance burned a hole
right through this thick skin of mine
and beamed right through my
soul.

& as quickly as the burn scarred me
you were gone
and i was up as quickly as
thunder follows a lightning bolt
striking a powerline

i met you at the stairs
breathless
i questioned
"what are you doing?"

she froze
and her blue hollow gaze
met my hazel eyes
& she choked
"suffering."

her quiver brought a hurricane
within my heart
and her tear filled eyes
filled my lungs

i saw her
as she was
and her brokenness made me whole

"don't go"
i managed to breathe
but as quickly as she had stolen my heart and liquor
she was gone
locked away in her suffering.

i saw you
yes,
i saw you
for who you really were
a broken girl
who i am now
desperately in love with.

124

I've carried
all of your hearts
& souls
for 22
years.

your laughter
gave me dimples
& your tears
are my birthmarks
but
your chosen destruction
has given me
cancer.

I've known
for years that the chemo
could cure me
but I've been afraid to let you go.

Finally, my body
began to
shu t
dow  n .

In my desperation
my Father heard my cry &
decided it was time to let you go.

He pried open my
ribcage,
& like caged sparrows,
all of your hearts
now roam free from me.

I know it's best
but even though I am healed
I still am soar
& ache for you.

My hair has fallen out
& my weight has dropped.

But my Father
knows best
& as He sews me shut
He whispers softly
"I found thee,
thou art Mine."

& I am  f r e e .

forget me

i miss you
or who we were
you're gone
moved on
forgotten
so quickly & easily about me
it's fine
sometimes
until i realize
you're gone

i wish you could know
how it is for me now.

they won't hang out with me
anymore
never call
never call
never call

they've forgotten.

what a privilege
you all have.

forgetting.
moving on.

but how am i to forget
those summer nights
with my lungs filled with our innocence
as the warm air untangles my hair

were we never friends at all?
how could you forget those nights?
they echo in my heart
like your laugh
and your lemon scented perfume.

here come the tears again

make it stop
stop
stop

but they never do.

why am i not good enough for you?

do you miss me?
or just the company?


i can't thin k  straight.

how could
all of you
forget me?

sometimes
it's hard just to
exist
because
all of you
act like i never have.


i'm sorry
forgive me
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
what did i do to deserve this?
i'm sorry
so sorry
forget me
please don't
remember me
forget me.
forget it.

I Am

i know who You are
ever since i can remember
You've been there
with me
everywhere i go
even when i denied You
& ran away from home
You
never
ran away from me

now
through many tears and trials
i've finally taken a step back
and looked at who You
really are

through the troubles of this world
You are still
the great
I am.

I am amazed
thrilled
curious
terrified
and in
complete awe
by You

a constant roller coaster
of discovering
who You really
are
& who i really am

but through the
infinite battle
to not fall away
from You again

i've fallen
completely 
in love
with everything
You
are

never let me go.

wings

i have this
itch
on the back of my
shoulders

i've been trying to ignore it
but you didn't call
and they
hang out without me

so this itch
i've been scratching
& it's keeping me
awake

i'm sleeping more
but i'm not tired
drawing more
but i'm not inspired

unhappy

but tonight
i am drowning
on the thought
that you decided to hate me

so in rage
i began to itch
and scratch
at the back of my shoulders

only to realize
why i've been bothered
because underneath my skin
feathers are growing

my soul is a bird
but i caged it within me
i was afraid that the world would
try to take it from me

but

a soul is not meant to be caged
it needs endless
saturdays and a summer-time kiss
with extra sprinkles and a side of uncontrollable laughter

so my soul is fighting back
and is giving me what i need
wings to fly away
from people who always leave

forever more

something you said
tonight
will ring in my ears
forever more.

you didn't lecture me
didn't judge
didn't pry.

but you sang 4 words
so sweetly
that i'm surprised the whole bar
didn't stop and stare
& marvel at your inner beauty.

i hope you're happy. oh, i really do hope you're happy.

so often we're quick to judge
and wish the worst upon each other.

but for someone
to genuinely wish
happiness upon you
is pure magic.

feels like 2 degrees

as the gray daysfill my eyes
and the leaves
hopelessly wander across the road
i remember that we are in a
season of change.

nothing is permanent.
time is short
and i need to make the most of it.

i need to make the most of this.