crushcrushcrushcrushcrush//

When I'm around you, I feel
Wonderful.

All I wanna do is talk to you
& soak in your smile.
I've got butterflies exploding out my ears.
& When I am with you,
I feel like everyone can tell that
I'm glowing.

I love your style
Your crazy hair and sunglasses
& your unhealthy habit.
Ugh,
It's ridiculous,
How you make me feel.

I want you to
Want me.

But I don't
Because I'm scared out of my mind
Could I ever open my heart to you?
Would you be someone who would want to
Deal with my crazy beautiful life?
Because the others weren't capable.

They ran.
Or they ignored what was real.
I can't have that,
I need someone who doesn't mind
Or is able to understand
& able to help me through

But when I think about being with you,
I don't even worry about you not being understanding.
All I can see is your smile carrying me through those difficult times.

& I smile because
I want to be with you
I want to hear your stories
I want to listen to your likes and dislikes
I want to feel your heart
I want to hear your dreams.

I guess we'll just have to wait and see where this goes.
Am I getting my hopes up too early?

Probably. Oops.

Don't

No,
I don't wanna talk.

Don't touch me
Don't ask if I'm okay

Because I'm not.

My grandma has passed away
& I miss her so much it hurts.

I feel so empty.


♥

/////

I'm bursting
Trying as hard as I can to
Hold myself together

But I'm bursting

Trying to stay as busy as possible
School, Hornbachers, work out, homework, sleep.
That's my busy life

But I'm bursting.

Family setbacks
My grandmother is dying
& my family is so dramatic

& I'm bursting.

I don't wanna talk about anything
I wanna just keep hiding my feelings
& pretend that I'm okay.

Underneath, I'm bursting.

I'm supposed to be the girl
Who has it all together
& doesn't need any help

But I'm bursting.

Falling apart
Laying here as my walls crumble
God, if you can hear me

I'm bursting. Save me.

Change

I've never been good at change.
Ever since my brother left,
I've always wanted everything to stay the same
I wanted that small piece of my perfect world
To stay with me

But everything
& everyone
Changes

It's life
& it's the way it has to be

I've been so frustrated with
Everyone else
& how much they've been changing
To me
I never stopped to look and wonder

Are they really changing?
Or is it me that's changing?

All along I've been blaming everyone else
Walking out on me
Or become a new person around me
But all this time it's really
Just been me

I've changed.
& that's so weird to say

Change has always been scary for me
& Usually not very good
But this change,
Feels amazing

I have become
Independent
Strong
Determined
& I've developed a low bull-shit tolerance

My life is pulling itself together
& instead of me sitting around
Waiting to find out who I really am
I'm going to break the rules

I'm not going to look for myself
I'm going to invent myself

Change has never felt so good.

Your love is my drug

Lately
I hate myself
I can barely get out of bed
I just feel so hollow,
Someone without a purpose
Just empty
& fulfilling nothing

But you,
You free me from myself

You bring joy to my life
A happy glow to my skin
A reason to get up out of bed
& live my life

With you,
I don't feel like an empty shell
I feel like I have a purpose
I can laugh at myself
& feel a sense of peace.

I love you, Lacey Tweten
I know that I've been a pain in the ass to deal with lately
With all my complaining about money
My family
My old friends
My school
But you always listen
& are always helping me through

What would I do without you?
Well, I wouldn't.

I'll never ever be able to thank you enough
For the little things you do
I need you woman
& I love you, bay harbor butcher.
Your love is my drug.

Enough

I've had enough
There is nothing more
To do
Or say
I just feel like
We've done all that we can together

Winter, I've had enough.

My toes never warming up
The wind biting my ears and cheeks
The cold burning my lungs
The humidity cracking my skin
The never ending sickness
I can't take it anymore

Go away.

It's not like we can do anything
With you here
Going outside is painful
Being indoors is our safe route
But there is only so much to do inside
You're so unlike your beautiful sibling

Tell summer to hurry up.

I want to wake up to birds singing
I want to feel sunshine on my skin
Endless bike rides
Tanning & swimming
Camping & bonfires
Summer nights that never end....

mmm. Summer 2011 can't come fast enough.

Cover up

I feel so
Stuck.

My throat is swelling
& when I wake up, it will be swollen shut.

But when I wake up, it will be my birthday.
God doesn't show any mercy though, does he?

Not toward me anyway.
Not lately.

My life has been taken
& turned upside down.

My school has thrown curve balls at me
And has stolen all of my money.

I'm so stressed.
I hate growing up.

When I feel trapped like this,
I just wanna sit at my window

& wait for Peter to come and take me
Far away to Neverland.

But I'm just being dramatic,
Right?

I should be happy.
It's my birthday!

I have amazing friends
& a wonderful family.

20th will be fun,
Along with the 22nd(: