what do you title a post like this?

all of yourvanities
have made me
exhausted.

& i have nothing to
say
anymore.

because you have
nothing
of
value
to say anymore.

your words are
empty
and will be
forgotten.

sorry
if i'm
being
rude.

i'm just frustrated
with how all of you are
becoming the same person.

talking about the same things
wearing the same things
doing the same things.

i remember how
alive
i felt with all of you

everything was
magic
and all of us were
invincible

we used to live for
something
stand for
something

but it's all gone now
and you're all empty hearts
swallowing up souls along the way
trying to
drag
them down with your
substances and sorrow

this is why i've faded away from
all of
you.
from
us.

because you've lost yourselves in your vanities.
& i just can't give up
i can't give in.

i'm sorry i refuse to take part.
i would just rather be alone.

sorry for (not) party rocking.

bouncing

i have so much
bouncing
around
in my
head

but words just
can't seem
to find
my
f
i
n
g
e
r
t
i
p
s
.

can't sleep

when i
can't
sleep
i stare into the darkness
and listen to the sounds of this old house.

i enjoy the quiet
noise
that interrupts my breathing.

but what i love most
are the car lights
that
inhale the
secrets
of my darkness
through my small window
and
fade away
into the night.

defeated

i am
defeated.
yes,
defeated.

something has come over my bones
swelling and muscular pain
everywhere

toes
feet
ankles
knees
hips
fingers
wrists
neck

everywhere.
 
2 doctor visits
blood samples
//
reveal nothing

i am
defeated.
yes,
defeated.

it's painful to get up
to comb my own hair
to open doors
to walk
to put on socks
to put on my coat
to stand
to carry trays
to bag groceries
to draw or type

to have a positive attitude.
to live.

i am
defeated.
yes,
defeated.

where do i go from here?


do i go back to the doctor?
only for them to once again
prescribe a pill that does
nothing
and tell me it's just a
virus.
while my feet and ankles become
balloons.

i am defeated.
yes,
defeated.

my mom suggested that maybe
God is trying to
show me
something
or
i am being
tested
by
God.

well,
I'm
failing.

i have
little
faith.

& i'm sorry.
 
defeated.
yes.
yes.
defeated. 

you're quite handsome

yes.
you're quite handsome.

there is just something about the way
you
present
yourself.

it could just be the glasses
or wonderful smile,
but honestly
i think it's something
much
much
deeper
than looks.

yes, they play a part

but there is something pulling me from
underneath
your looks.

our hearts are
similar
in the way they are
longing for
something

or should i say
someone.

and that is what i need
i need someone who is
thirsty
for something
more
than this life.

i need someone who
has compassion for
what is
real
and not
for what is
temporary.


i need
genuine.
i need
compassion.
i need
my savior.

and i can see him bursting through you.

and that,
my love,
is what makes you handsome.
that marvelous heart that beats beneath your chest
pounding for more than earthly existence.

frustrating

it's
frustrating
to work
two
jobs
have school
full time
with a constant flow of
projects
& have all of this
expected
of me.

when you only work
one
job
and pay only
one
bill
and put your life on
hold
whenever is convenient
for you
while everyone else picks up
your slack.

i know i will be
better off,
but in the mean time
it's just
frustrating
to watch you
do nothing
and go
nowhere
when i can't even find time to
breathe.

why is it

why is it
that
people you love
hate
themselves.

and all they see is
failure
and all you see is
beauty

they have so much potential
but they just
let it
slide off their finger tips

but grasp
drugs and alcohol for comfort
instead of the people
that have always been there

and will always be
there
oh you, i miss us
and the innocence we possessed

but now it's gone
and mary jane is your best
but girl,
i hope you never forget me.

forget us
the sweetness we had in our skin
now corrupted by the world and it's
darkness

love allows you to allow love to
run you over and over again
you'd think i'd learn my lesson
and just let you go

but i am your real sister
and i will lay here
on the cold concrete
and wait for you to get out of the car

i'm not leaving
pinky swear
i'm right where you left me.
get out of the car.

cards and coffee//pt. 2 of LA series

walking down the streets of LA, i am lost within the people and architecture of the city.
i can make it in this city.
we can make it in this city.

the first half of the day lacey and i spent wandering and applying for jobs in art studios, photography studios, and with design agencies too. lacey was interviewed on the spot at her first studio stop, but she decided that we should browse a little longer before she should settle. they said she had caught their eye with her purple hair and cat shirt.
those shirts are so ugly, they're magic.
i dropped off my business card along with a miniature piece of my work with each of the places we stopped. some looked very promising, which brought comfort to my soul.

on our way back from our job hunt, we decided that we needed a break from walking and stopped by a small coffee shop. as we walked inside, the sweet aroma of coffee beans filled the air. it was a wonderful break from the dirty city air outside. as the two of us waited in line, lacey asked how many business cards and miniature pieces of my work i had left. but as i pulled them out of my bag to count them, one of the coffee house workers slammed into lacey who then slammed into me.

coffee and cards flew into the air as she and i were thrown into the ground. a roar of laughter came from our lungs.

but the coffee house worker did not think we were very funny. the muscular bearded man grabbed each of our arms and heaved us up off of the floor, mumbling some rude slander about tourists.
"sorry man." lacey laughed as she began to pat down her now dusty black jeans.
"whatever, crayon." he sighed and stormed off.

trying to hold our laughter in as best we could, we quickly spun around and burst out of the store, leaving my cards and work stuck to the wet, coffee stained floor.

Don't wake me up// my remix

so much has changed for me in this past year.
for the best.
& one of the best ways to describe what has happened to me is through song.
so i took a secular song and revamped it to truth.

don't wake me up by chris brown is now
please wake me up--->lyrics by me.

enjoy.
xo

_____________

i see light in my window,
come wake me up.
i've been stuck for so long now,
i can't get up.
but then i hear you whisper,
sayin my name.
you put your hand on my heart,
i'm lifted up.

come wake me up.
come wake me up.
you woke me up.
i'm alive.

you can mold me and make me,
i am your clay.
& you'll keep me forever,
your love won't fade.
but when i fall away from
your perfect grace,
you never hold it to me,
my sins erased.

you woke me up.
you woke me up.
you woke me up.

i don't want to fall back asleep,
i just want to dance at your feet.

come wake me up,
you've woke me up.
_____________

persevere

my alarm has been blasting for about a half hour now. i've been in California for about two weeks and none of the 12 places i've applied to have responded. knotting my hair and staring at the ceiling, my best friend barges through my door.
"you need to get up."
why is what i mouth, but nothing falls out.
"because you can't give up. this is your dream."

i roll out onto the hardwood floors. they're warm, unlike the ones in minnesota. Coming here to escape the below zero days and below average test scores would have been a wonderful idea, if i could stay inspired.

"did we make a mistake?"
"of course not!" my purple-headed cheer leader screams. "you're going to find someone to design for & i'll find a studio to work in. get yourself together and let's get going." she walks over to my unpacked suitcase and rummages through. i know what she's looking for. i should have burned those saturday shirts a long time ago. she finds the beauty and throws it at me.
great.
i'm totally going to get a job in this walmart keepsake.

I throw my hair into a braid and put on my wonderful catshirt, which matches Lacey. hers is a green tie-dye, with a cat head the size of the whole fricken shirt. While mine on the other hand is a purple tie-dye, with a cat digging in a fishbowl. we'll definitely turn heads.

walking out of the apartment, i remember why i came here. the sight of buildings touching the sky creates a smile that spreads across my face. i can do this. we can do this. we can make it in LA.




stay tuned. xo

stuck

i am
stuck
on these little
things that have never gotten in my way
until now.
i've just been
pushing them
to the side.

telling myself that it's
no big deal
to get over it
and to just
keep going.

well, now everything has caught up on me.

i'm sad. and sadness is something that has always been temporary for me. 10 minutes at a time, and then i'm okay again.

but lately i've been waking up sad.
this is very hard for me.
i am the queen of happiness. you give me a situation, and i'll make it scream unicorns by the time i'm through with it.
so why is a girl like
me
waking up
sad?

why am i breaking down so easily?

everything makes me cry. think i'm joking? the katy perry documentary struck me down. an older customer with a life story brought me to tears. random acts of kindness have made me cry. i cried after my first photoshoot, upset that my pictures might be garbage.

what is wrong with me?

me. that's what's wrong with me.
i am the problem.

i am being too hard on myself. i am a good photographer and a great designer! but the weight of becoming who i am meant to be is frightening. i have to grow up when this year is over. i have to get a job and take on life, and i'm scared.
people are asking me to take their picture, and i'm terrified! what if i'm not good enough? what if they don't like my stuff?
but i need to let that go. i am who i am. not everyone is going to like my designs or pictures, and that's okay! it's life. i am still a great person and a great artist.


i have also been stuck on people. i am really hurt over things that people have done or how have people have treated me, lately, and in my past. 'friends',xboyfriend, family, people that have burned me.
i've stopped hanging out with my friends out of fear that they might hurt me. or i might hurt them.
but that is going to happen all my life. people are going to stomp on you, lie to you, and hurt you. should that stop me from moving forward?
no.
i need to learn to love again. let go of all the hurt and pain my past has given to me and look to the love that is in my future. i have a great group of friends and family, and i need to start acknowledging them more.

i can't do this alone.
it's going to take some serious prayer and comfort from all the kitty cats that have stuck around through all the hard times.

that's you, reading this right now.
thank you for everything you've done for me. even if was just something simple, like making me laugh. or if you've pulled a lacey and have bought me cute little trinkets or cards, thank you! you keep me going, keep me motivated, and keep me inspired.

thank you/thank you.


i am who i am today because of you.
xo

not just girls, boys too.

"girls we do whatever it will take
cause girls don't want,
we don't want our hearts to break in two.
so its better to be fake.
cant risk loosing in love again, babe."

-Marina and the Diamonds

different

you sit there
high and mighty
judging everyone who

looks
a little different than
you
acts
a little different than
you
believes things
a little different than
you

is
different
from
you.

get over yourself.

i don't agree with most,
but i embrace who they are.

& people may look different on the outside than you,
but they wouldn't if they didn't have a soul to claim as their own on the inside.

embrace what makes you uncomfortable.

life is too short to live with your nose up in the air.

running in love

running.
it's something everyone should be familiar with.
even if you haven't ran in years, it's a feeling you can recall.
breathless.
just out of breath on a full fledged sprint.
out of breath.
yes.
that's how i feel when i think about you.
that's how i feel when i think about love.
is that what love is?
maybe. maybe not.

i guess i may never know.

but when i think about us
together,
that's what i am.
breathless.

fun.

fun
[fuhn]
noun
1.
something that provides mirth or amusement.

breaking up
getting back together,
drama upon everything you do,
i'm glad you're having fun.

trying to look better than him
pretending like everything is fine
laughing at everything that's not funny,
i'm glad you're having fun.

nothing to on a beautiful saturday,
so you smoke all of your weed
and stare at the ceiling all day.
i'm glad you guys are having fun.

judging everyone that walks by
or is even a little bit different than you.
everything you say is right.
i'm glad you're having fun.

giving yourself so easily away
and then crying because he's with
someone else.
quickly bouncing back for the next fling,
i'm glad you're having fun.

having sex with him
and then him.
and then let's see how this one works out,
i'm glad you're having fun.

wanting more people to like you
so you sell who you are
for only a few moments of noise.
i'm glad you're having fun.

working all day
and then sleeping the rest of your life away,
while your children swing and play
refusing to seek help, but
i'm glad you're having fun.


this is what surrounds me.
i am not better than all of you,
no.
i am not.

i am just filled with sorrow,
because i love you.

but i'm watching all of you drown.

your fun is sinking my soul.
& i just don't know how to handle that.

love

from her
to her

from him
to him

people just
using
each other.

"i have to figure out what i like or who i'm looking for."

how can you know what you're looking for when you don't even fully know who you are?

wasting time
on someone temporary
does not make sense.

saying that you love them
is a lie.

it can't be love
it just can't.

what happened to love based on fairy tales?

their love is forever
beautiful
magical
wonderful
peaceful
ever lasting.

no,
what you people have is not love.
you are not in love.

i will choose forever alone
over wasting time.

but i believe that my fairy tale is out there.
trust & patience will bring us together.

heartache awaits the rest of you.

last first day

routine and schedules,
i live for multitasking.
school is wondrous.

wanderlust

it's sinking in
the desire to
leave.

i can't explain it.
lusting for somehwhere i've never even been.
missing people i've never met.
longing for adventures i've never been on.

it's a condition, i swear
because no one else talks of leaving
they're all content with
flat and empty nights.

and that's what sinks my soul,
being with people that would rather take a drink
or a puff to get away
instead of just get on an airplane or in a car.

i know i'm so young
and that i need to give this time,
but this place is deafening
yet i can still hear the city whispering my name.

.. whichever city that is.
i can hear the buzz of the hollow people.
i can feel the bright lights burning into my skin.
i can taste the beautiful breeze.

let the never ending search begin.

the moorhead pool

dive deep
sinking down
eyes open
vision blurred

i'm playing with death
holding my breath
under the bright blue waves.

the sun rays dancing on the floor
look like flowers laughing
and everything is weightless

everything is still.

i flip over
and let myself go
floating back toward the surface

bubbles
and the waves of my hair
are breaking the chlorinated waves.

this never gets old.
i catch my breath
and dive back down

back to temporary peace.

power and control

you're in charge
of the happiness
the mood
the plans

you're in charge.
& that isn't how this game works.

anger and pride
you're in control.

but can you still be in control
if no one is playing anymore?

because this is where this pointless game is going.

i wish you could just let go of yourself
and see the way we see you.
selfish and hurtful.

maybe one day we'll actually be able to talk
and handle the truth.
but honestly,
i really don't see that happening
anytime
soon.

sleep

vision fades
and all you want is
to snuggle in

it's your only moment of peace.
sleep.

to be under all your blankets
allowing yourself to
let go of this world
and enter another.

it's one of the most beautiful things that God has given us.

if you're sad
escape
bored
escape
stressed
escape
even if you're in a good mood, it's the joy of knowing there are more days to come and you can rest.
escape
escape
escape

and that's why we're not meant to sleep alone.

your whole life, you find your escape by falling asleep.
it's your comfort,
your peace.
and to share that with someone is wonderful.

& i can't wait for that moment.
the moment to let go of everything that
i'm afraid of.
to let go of my plans, my fears and all my anxieties
and just be at peace
with someone who makes you whole.

yes,
what a beautiful moment that will be.

rob a bank

it's funny how one thing can
consume
you.

it's always been there,
rubbing into your
skin.

slowly,
trying to make it's way
inside.

finally breaking through,
crawling around in my
brain.

consuming
absolutely
everything.

i can't let this go.
i can't pretend this isn't a problem.
i can't move forward.

it's like this bug
has laid
eggs.

creating more distractions,
bringing me back to my
sorrow.

i can never escape.
the only way out would be
bug spray?

Or maybe,
i could just
rob a bank.

yes,
i think i shall
rob a bank.

problem solved!
right? whatever.
#yolo #yolo #yolo

discovery

i made a discovery today.
yes.
a great discovery.

which is the simple fact that
i hate myself.

& i'm not saying that for attention.
or for a dramatic blog effect. or affect. whatever.
i just hate who i have become.
don't deny,
you've had these moments where you wake up and you absolutely hate
everything.

do you want to know the best part about my
realization?

i can fix it.

by fixing myself.
by overcoming what is overtaking me.

wish me luck.
-xoxo

pieces

i want to
burst
into a
trillion
pieces.

suddenly
& unexpectedly

to feel myself
letting go of everything.
shattered,
scattering
across the world,

and when i reach a peaceful heart,
i'll settle in the sand across the west coast.

oh, what a grand adventure that would be.

@ war

Eyes closed. Heart open.
I'm laying in the tall grass behind my fathers home, playing with the curls sprouting from my head.

blink.

i'm in my small wooden bed, laying with my tie dye blanket.

blink.

I'm about to fall asleep in the sunshine, when suddenly
i'm rolling.
Whenever I let my guard down for 3 seconds, My best and only friend appears to balance my world.

blink.

i'm in my small wooden bed, laying with my tie dye blanket.

blink.

"Get off of me!" I laugh, shoving him to the side. Even though girls my age are normally at home in their studies or playing house with their mothers, usually I'm out with this boy, fighting or stealing from our near by farmers.
"Don't you have people to please?" he taunts me, staring with those marvelous brown eyes. He will be the death of me.

blink.

i'm in my small wooden bed, laying with my tie dye blanket.
and this is my life.
i am constantly at war with my day dreams and reality. in love with the simplicity of my other worlds and totally lost in my actual reality, in my small wooden bed, laying with my tie dye blanket.

and that's something i'm not sure anyone will ever understand.

something you said, pt. 2

i'm so independent.
sometimes, it's annoying.

but something about you
is making me second guess.

you caught me off guard,
that's for certain.

laying under the sun,
thoughts of you consuming my brain.

you're nothing like the last,
and might be the best thing for me.

or maybe you won't be,
but i don't wanna go on wondering, 'what if.'

oh sir,

i'm a mess,
and you're probably just figuring that out.

but if you're okay with that,
i'm okay with trying.

something you said

they all say the same things
but they're just
words.

and it's pathetic how
emotionally attached you can become
to words.

but something you said
is so different
from the words i've heard before.

but i won't let myself fall.
not again
into words that never last.

i'd apologize
for being so difficult
and not believing your words.

but i made a promise to myself
rely on my own and not others
words.

you may say it's me being afraid.
or over protective.
but i don't care.

sticks and stones
may break my bones,
and words will leave a scar.

heartbreak is the reality.

so i will hold my head high
and only rely on the words that will never let me down.
me, myself, and God's words.

try to imagine

i can't imagine
what my life would be like
not knowing what's going to happen to me
after i
die.

dying is a terrifying thing.
you can't deny it, you're afraid of death.
everyone is.
because we're human, and all we've ever known is living.
but i'm glad i have some sort of faith.

i have to trust God that something will happen
when i breathe my last breath.
because if nothing happened to me,
why live at all?
what's to live for?

i just can't afford to think like that.

my life

going on road trips
reminds me of what i want;
simply to be free

you always think

you always think you know what you want

until it begins to happen to you.

& then it's wrong.
it wasn't supposed to feel like this.
wrong.
everything is wrong.
oh so wrong.

& i'll just never really know what's best for me.
so leave my undecided mind behind.
i'm better off this way.

i am finally starting

there is always this story that is playing over and over again in my head.
it's one that i've been putting together for months now, and finally it's beginning to seep through my walls.

i've begun to write it down.
& i promise, i'll update you whenever i update the story.
but so far, this is what i have. i wrote it down on a piece of scrap paper @ work.

_______________________

Do you ever make decisions on impulse? You just start moving and you’re unable to stop. running, twitching, laughing, kicking, yelling, punching through walls, whatever your reaction is, your whole body is on over drive because of the simple fact that it’s just
reacting.
You don’t even think about the consequences of your action.
You’re just moving.
Just reacting.
& Reacting can either save someone or kill someone. But sometimes, fate just can’t decide.
and that's where i come into play.
we come into play.

_______________________

simplicity

it's funny how when

the sun comes up from the sky,

happiness abides.

one ear phone

wandering bike rides.

it's more than just peddling,

drifting thoughts prevail.

something new

i'm going to try something new.
each day this summer, i want to write a haiku.
i always stray from writing and reading even though i love them so much. hopefully this way i'll make it into a habit.
but along with haikus, i will also be uploading some day dreams finally brought to text.

anyway, here's to day one.
___________

having great weekends,
makes mondays so much harder.
six thirty hates me.

more

i'm so desperate
for something
more
than this place.

high school clingers and rednecks.

driving with my friends around town
loosing myself out the window
wondering
hoping
is this really all there is?

empty buildings and sugar coated people.

no,
i can't stay
no,
hornbachers will not steal my soul
no,
my family will not hold me down.
no,
not again.

mental hospital visits and unknown guests sleeping on the couch.

there has to be more.

my temporary friends have already forgotten about me,
and my puppy has passed on.
no, there is nothing here for me anymore.

ten o'clock curfews and college alcoholics.

there just has to be more.
somewhere out there,
there's more.
i know just know it.
there's more.

time to pour out my brain.

everyone has gone home for the evening. i finally finished all the sweeping and moping, and now all i have to do is
wait.
yes, wait until the clock ticks 10.
because you never know who might need a half pound of chicken breast or a pound of potato salad.
inhale. exhale.
as each minute passes by, i think of everything i've accomplished in my 9 1/2 hour day. i think about what i'll probably be doing tomorrow on my next 9 1/2 adventure.
tick tick. my life slowly passing me by.
and then suddenly i hear a loud thud.
i almost jump right out of my socks. i turn swiftly to the spot my ears have directed me, where the location of the thump could have come from. i make two heavy blinks and decide that i'm just exhausted. that nothing happened, or could have happened. especially since my ears have guided me to the freezer, which hasn't been occupied in about 2 hours.
thump. thump.
what could possibly be happening in there?
thump thump thump.
i feel like one of those stupid kids in the scary movies that go off on their own and get killed, but i can't help it. it's not like i can just ignore it.
i reach forward to touch the freezer handle. it's extremely cold surface sends chills up my spine. as i clamp down on the handle, the hot and cold air mesh, making it hard for me to see. i slowly walk inside as the heavy door shuts behind me before i can turn on the light.
thump. the loudest one of them all releases a squeal from my insides.
suddenly, the lights turn on, but not as they normally do. they shine as bright as a nuclear explosion, causing me to shield my eyes with my right hand and back away, pressing myself against the back of the freezer door.
then, it's blocked and all i can see is..
the 7 ft tall multi colored yeti.
"good evening, madam." he says kindly, in his deep voice.
"hello." is all i can say.
as we stand there and stare at each other, the lights slowly dim to an adjustable light. i am able to put my hand to my side and stand awkwardly between mr. yeti and the door.
he finally breaks the silence and says, "i don't mean to be rude, sydney. but i have a lot of work to get done. so if you'd please.." he points to the door behind me.
"oh, of course! i am very sorry." i apologize, "i'll let you get back to your, uhm, project. could you maybe keep quiet in here though?" i whisper. i don't know how the other employees would handle such a big, multi colored, time traveling yeti.
"oh yes. i'm terribly sorry. have a good evening." he rushes his words as he basically pushes me out of the freezer.
"alrighty then." i say, and turn around toward the clock.


it's now 10 p.m..
and it's time for me to go home.

self destruct

it's difficult to watch someone
destroy themself.
to witness them become someone
you know they're not.
self inflicted harm and drug use.
as little tikes,
none of this was in our adventures.
none of this was in our dreams.
but i guess neither was growing up.
everything was perfect.
and now it's time to
self destruct
3. 2. 1.

glue

sir,
i can't even talk to you
but you sure have a lung full toward me.

i'm sorry that you hate me so much.
but do you really have a right?
you don't know a thing about me.

the longest conversation i have had with you
has been
how are you, goodbye.

do you know that my favorite color is blue?
that singing brings me real joy?
or that sunshine makes me smile?

no. you know
nothing
about me.

instead, you have angry eyes
or don't even give me the decency to
look at me at all.

i'll never understand what it is that i have done
or that your family has done
to make you hate so much.

how desperately lonely it must be to live inside your skin.

hate makes the living hollow
and easily breakable.

oh,
how ridiculous to know
that
the most perfect strangers can sometimes live in the same house.

a-8-twelve.

i feel
empty
all the time
and it's hard for you to understand.
because i am able to
function in a normal manner
smiles and all
but i'm
so lonely
so alone
and the worst part of it all
is i have no reason to be this way.
i have been gifted with many things
and i have great friends
it's just a constant battle i fight
everyday.
but in the end, i always end up
feeling this way.
frustrating. frustrating.
i just don't know where to go from here.
God is too busy
and i have nothing to really say to a mentor
because i look foolish compared to others
nothing is wrong
but everything is wrong
so so wrong.

running

i'm running.
i don't know where i'm going, but
i'm running.
with every step i take, i am letting go just a little bit more.
running away
from us.
who knows where i'll end up.
but i have a feeling that
one day, someday,
i'll run right back into you.
into us.

3 a.m.

fingers running through my hair, i'm laying in the darkness trying to fall asleep. but sleep has not been coming easily to me in the past few weeks.
until after a very odd event which occurred to me last night.
here's the story.

it's three in the morning and i'm just laying there. can't sleep, tossing and turning when all of a sudden i hear a very loud
thump.
i shoot up in the air, forgetting that the top bunk dips low, smacking my head on it's large red bars.
"ahhh! who's there?!" i say, rubbing my forehead.
i can hear shuffling, like whoever is there is panicing that they're caught. i crawl out of bed and bump the light.
right in front of me is a 7 ft. tall, multicolored yeti.
i am taken aback, but i try not to be rude. i simply bow my head and say
"hi."
"hello." he responds, in a very deep voice. we just stare at each other for awhile. I hate staring, so i break the silence.
"i hate to be rude sir, but i was wondering what you're doing in a place like, erm, well, my bedroom. and especially at three in the morning, clearly uninvited?"
he looks down at his feet and begins to scratch his head shyly. he is clearly embarrassed.
"well miss, i am really quite sorry. i didn't mean to be so loud and i surely didn't mean to wake you."
"oh, don't worry about that," i say "i can't sleep anyway. but you've yet to answer exactly why you're here. in my room."
"oh right. yeah." he fumbles, finally making eye contact again. "i'm afraid i can't tell you."
"oh. well that's quite unfortunate." i sigh, "because i'm quite curious."
"i'm sorry again miss, but i really must go."
"alright! well, um, thanks for stopping in!" i open my bedroom door and gesture to lead him out. i offer him some tea or hot kool-aid, but he says he is allergic to human food.
he then bids me adieu and heads out the front door into the city of fargo/moorhead.

i then go back downstairs to my room and cuddle up in my blankets and surprisingly fall right to sleep.

so the reason i wasn't sleeping was because my sleeping energy was off, which meant there was a yeti stuck in a portal above my room.
clogged portals are really loud to your subconscious mind, you know.



....i've gone mad.

I'M BAAACK!

so i wanted to start writing again, but i forgot the freaking password to this blog.
which caused me to make this blog! http://meepsydney.blogspot.com/

it's got some pretty awesome stuff on there.

but i think this is where i'll stay. it's my home! all my other writing is on here and it's just more convenient.

so tada(:

i'm back.

<3