Ryan DeZurik

"I'm at the waters edge

&& I'm gearing closer.

This is where I will be,

Where you can find me."


Every now and then, I think of you. I think of us.
& I cry.

I cry because your life was cut short.
I cry because you deserved so much longer on this earth.
I cry because your family needed more time with you.
I cry because I can't let go.
I cry because I miss you.

I miss you, Ryan.
I, the writer, cannot find words to express how I feel about this.

I just know that I miss you so much, it hurts.

Weird.

I can't believe I
Liked you
You're not my
Type
You're way too
Into yourself

You're always
Right
I'm always
Wrong
You'd mesh well with
Her

You're both
Stubborn
You're both
Hard headed
You're both
Self focused

You'd be good for each other.

Lol, I just can't believe I liked you.

Weird.

Horror story (Expressive Writing)

I can't believe that this is happening.

He is holding on to my hand so tight I feel that it might just be ripped off. But, I just can't seem to make myself look away.

"Come on Syd, we've got to go and we've got to go now!" His voice has turned into panic and he is a mess. I just can't accept what is happening. They're everywhere and they'll soon be after us.


An hour ago, we decided to go out to eat after work. We hadn't eaten out in awhile and we each worked overtime, so we figured why not. We chose a small cafe on Broadway and sat at our window spot. We are the definition of a beautiful couple. We constantly smile at each other and we always hold hands across the table, like those silly 50's couples. While we're finishing our food, we hear a loud bang and look to the counter to find someone who was ordering suddenly collapse on the ground. I begin to get up to help, but he pulls me back, wanting the others around the fallen man to help him out. We continue to watch as the owner tries to help the woman get back up.

As he held out his hand, she leaped forward off the ground and tackled the man. She began to bite his neck and face, ripping apart his cheek and brow. Panic erupts and people scatter. Then others in the back of the cafe are experiencing their loved ones fly across the table and devour strangers.

I just stare. He is pulling my hand, pleading for us to leave. But I just can't move. I stare at the woman who is eating the store owner like he was her dinner. As she rips off his ear, she turns to me and let's out a bone chilling screech and he has thrown me over his shoulder and we are running.

Suddenly, they're everywhere. & they're acting as if they're starving bears.

As we're running to his car, a hungry man has decided that we're good enough and is after us. He quickly goes to my side of the car and throws me inside. I lock the door and the creature runs right into my door. I scream at the top of my lungs, but I feel as if no one can hear me. I look to his side and he can't seem to get his door open. The monster has noticed his dilemma and is now after him. I leap over the seat and try to open the door, but it's randomly stuck. As the door breaks open, he throws himself in, and tries to shut the door. But the monsters arm is inside the car and he is doing whatever he can to get inside to his meal. I feel helpless as he tries to shove the creature out, I hear loud screaming from both of them and I just shut my eyes, hold my head and cry. I don't know what to do. I pass out.

I wake up in his arms and I begin to cry. He holds me close. I have no idea where we are, but we're in a small dark room. He begins to cry with me. I bury my face into his chest and try to forget the horror I had just witnessed. He then takes my chin and lifts my head so I may look him in the face.

"Darling, I'm so sorry." He continues to hold me close and tears stream down his face.
"It's okay, it's all over. It's over." I try to stop my tears, but they just keep coming.
"No, it's not. It's just begun."
I don't understand his words until I see his collar bone. There is a massive bite mark and the veins around it are anything but normal.
"I'm infected."
I can't help my sobs. I don't know what to do or where to go from here.
"Don't worry, we're in a decontamination room and they said they could try and fix me. It might not work, so I asked if I could have some time alone with you." He is trying to hold himself together, but it's not working.
"It has to work. It has too. I love you." Is all that falls out of my mouth.

The doctors come in and decide that it's time. But, behind them is a man with a gun.
"Let's go lady." The man with the gun comes toward me and I panic. He continues to hold me and I hold him with all I have as the man with the gun grabs my sweatshirt. I'm ripped from his arms and thrown into the doctors. As the drag me out of the room, he yells to me that he loves me. I watch the man with the gun load his weapon.
I scream for him and he just cries to me with eyes filled with sorrow.
The man with the gun decides it's time to do his job.
As the doctors finally get me out of the swaying doors, I only hear our screams. The doors begin to sway back and fourth. As the close, I hear the gun shot and I see blood fly out of the glass window at the top of the doors. When they sway open, his body lifelessly falls to the ground. As they shut again, I hear another loud shot.

He is finished.

Mikayla,

I need you to come up here right now.
I need you to tackle me.
I need you to hug me.
I need you to be with me.
I need you to laugh with me.
I need you to cry with me.
I need you.
I need you.
I need you.

Fill me

I thought I had let go
I thought my friends had
Filled me.

I thought wrong.

Depression has come again
Why can't you leave me alone?

But here you are
Seeping into my skin
You're taking over
You're destroying my thoughts

Nothing
Fills me.

I am empty.

Understand

When I write on here, I write how I feel at the moment.
I am completely honest.

The reason to have this blog is to practice how to be more open. I struggle with speaking my mind, so I thought I would start somewhere small.

Friends, I'm sorry if you took the last entry wrong. I was just so frustrated. I thought we would be the group that didn't need any alcohol to have fun, but I was wrong. It's hard for me to realize that we're all growing up and riding our bikes and playing park games is something that we must all grow out of... Right?

I do not think drinking is bad. I just have had countless terrible experiences with drinking and drugs so I usually have a panic attack when put in situations that relate to these things.

I do not think less of people that drink. I love my family & friends to death, it's just drinking is something I do not partake in yet. Or maybe I never will, who knows.

But I need you to realize this,

I am not apologizing for what I have said on my blog.

These are my feelings written down for you to see who I am since I have trouble expressing myself.

The way you take it is up to you.

Pressure

Pressure
I watch them taunt you
They want to see you fall
You're shaking from the
Pressure

You don't have too
You want to belong so badly
You'd do anything for them
You think they're your friends

The shot glass is so full
They say it will be okay
Just one
You just take it all in

It burns all the way down
Go on,
Rush down something else
To try and take away the pain

It won't go away though
Nothing can take away what you've done
Do you feel good now?
Good for you, you now feel like you belong

Everyone decides It's now my turn
Pressure
Pressure
Pressure

I stare at that shot glass
I come up with terrible excuses
You say I don't have too
But you all want to see me fall

You are not my friends
I don't even know you
Do it. Do it. Do it.
Guess what?

I don't have to do a damn thing you tell me too.

I will not cave from this pressure
I know what all of you want from me
& I don't believe it's yours to take
My innocence is not yours

& never will be.