I'm really tired

I'm tired of school.
I procrastinate like it's my job and I just don't care. I don't care if I fail class, I don't care if I never go back, I just don't care.
Maybe I'd care if someone else did.
But no one does, so why should I?

I'm tired of being bored.
There is nothing to do. It's too cold outside to run or ride bike. There is nothing to do outside and it's killing me. I miss summer and I miss hanging out all the time with fun people.

I'm tired of wondering if you're my friends.
Do you really care for us or are we just a show for you? You never call or text wanting to hang out. Is it because you dislike us or is it because you're too old for us now? Is it because it's winter and there is nothing to do or is it because we're just a summer get away? Are you wanting to hang out but are too busy with school or do you not wanna hang out because we no longer share the same interests?
These questions drive me insane.

I'm tired of hating myself.
It's not my looks anymore, it's just who I am. I'm trying to change and become a person who doesn't care what people think and just can have fun, but it's so hard. I've been an outcast before and I never wanna go there again. I've began to be consumed with who everyone wants me to be instead of who I really am. I need to let go and love myself, but it's just easier than it sounds.

I'm tired of saying I'm tired when I'm just really unhappy.

I miss my grandma.
Not a day goes by where I don't hurt thinking about her.
I miss being with you guys.
I want us to be friends, but do you want it too?
I miss summer,
Where everything was okay.

I'm just so internally unhappy that nothing brings me joy accept for the five cats who have never left my side.
True Friends and Jesus, bro.

Jesus, take the wheel!
Heb. 13:5- Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have; for he has said, "I will never fail you nor forsake you."

New words to cling too? I'm thinking yes.