Summer

This summer was unexpected.

Randomly, I'm insecure about my friends and what they really think of me.
I never used to be like this. I used to be fun and crazy and I never cared what people thought of me. But this summer, my confidence has gone down the tube. I don't believe any complement & I worry constantly about what my friends think of me. The only reason that I can think of to somehow justify my behavior is that school is coming up. I'm so worried to loose my friends. I have thee greatest friends in the world. To lose them would be unbearable.
I wish I could tell them how I feel.
I wish they could understand how deeply I care about them.

But since I have been so insecure, I've been a lot quieter. Which means I've gotten to know people more because I'm not hogging the conversation. Shutting your mouth really opens your world to amazingly amazing new ideas and opinion on everything.

This summer has also sadly cut some major communication lines with my mother.
I used to be able to tell my mom everything. I don't know why, but I feel like she now dislikes me. I can barely look at her without her twitching with anger. I disappointed her with my lack of responsibility for taking care of the house and for not knowing what I want out of my life.
I'm tired of playing mom when you're not around. I know it's selfish, but I wanted a break. Jeffrey and Thea do not do anything and I wanted to give them a taste of what it was like to be me around here. But sadly, the house is now always a disaster because no one is around playing mom anymore because you're always working and I'm always gone. & I'm sorry that I don't know where I'm going with my life. I just want to move out so you don't have to look at me anymore. Your glances make me want to die.
Being at home is too painful. My heart is in agony and dwelling in the past.

Mom,
I'm sorry.

Friends,
I'm determined to be what you're dying to see. That, or I might risk loosing all of you.

I'm loosing my mind.

Enjoy the show.