the moorhead pool

dive deep
sinking down
eyes open
vision blurred

i'm playing with death
holding my breath
under the bright blue waves.

the sun rays dancing on the floor
look like flowers laughing
and everything is weightless

everything is still.

i flip over
and let myself go
floating back toward the surface

bubbles
and the waves of my hair
are breaking the chlorinated waves.

this never gets old.
i catch my breath
and dive back down

back to temporary peace.

power and control

you're in charge
of the happiness
the mood
the plans

you're in charge.
& that isn't how this game works.

anger and pride
you're in control.

but can you still be in control
if no one is playing anymore?

because this is where this pointless game is going.

i wish you could just let go of yourself
and see the way we see you.
selfish and hurtful.

maybe one day we'll actually be able to talk
and handle the truth.
but honestly,
i really don't see that happening
anytime
soon.

sleep

vision fades
and all you want is
to snuggle in

it's your only moment of peace.
sleep.

to be under all your blankets
allowing yourself to
let go of this world
and enter another.

it's one of the most beautiful things that God has given us.

if you're sad
escape
bored
escape
stressed
escape
even if you're in a good mood, it's the joy of knowing there are more days to come and you can rest.
escape
escape
escape

and that's why we're not meant to sleep alone.

your whole life, you find your escape by falling asleep.
it's your comfort,
your peace.
and to share that with someone is wonderful.

& i can't wait for that moment.
the moment to let go of everything that
i'm afraid of.
to let go of my plans, my fears and all my anxieties
and just be at peace
with someone who makes you whole.

yes,
what a beautiful moment that will be.

rob a bank

it's funny how one thing can
consume
you.

it's always been there,
rubbing into your
skin.

slowly,
trying to make it's way
inside.

finally breaking through,
crawling around in my
brain.

consuming
absolutely
everything.

i can't let this go.
i can't pretend this isn't a problem.
i can't move forward.

it's like this bug
has laid
eggs.

creating more distractions,
bringing me back to my
sorrow.

i can never escape.
the only way out would be
bug spray?

Or maybe,
i could just
rob a bank.

yes,
i think i shall
rob a bank.

problem solved!
right? whatever.
#yolo #yolo #yolo

discovery

i made a discovery today.
yes.
a great discovery.

which is the simple fact that
i hate myself.

& i'm not saying that for attention.
or for a dramatic blog effect. or affect. whatever.
i just hate who i have become.
don't deny,
you've had these moments where you wake up and you absolutely hate
everything.

do you want to know the best part about my
realization?

i can fix it.

by fixing myself.
by overcoming what is overtaking me.

wish me luck.
-xoxo

pieces

i want to
burst
into a
trillion
pieces.

suddenly
& unexpectedly

to feel myself
letting go of everything.
shattered,
scattering
across the world,

and when i reach a peaceful heart,
i'll settle in the sand across the west coast.

oh, what a grand adventure that would be.

@ war

Eyes closed. Heart open.
I'm laying in the tall grass behind my fathers home, playing with the curls sprouting from my head.

blink.

i'm in my small wooden bed, laying with my tie dye blanket.

blink.

I'm about to fall asleep in the sunshine, when suddenly
i'm rolling.
Whenever I let my guard down for 3 seconds, My best and only friend appears to balance my world.

blink.

i'm in my small wooden bed, laying with my tie dye blanket.

blink.

"Get off of me!" I laugh, shoving him to the side. Even though girls my age are normally at home in their studies or playing house with their mothers, usually I'm out with this boy, fighting or stealing from our near by farmers.
"Don't you have people to please?" he taunts me, staring with those marvelous brown eyes. He will be the death of me.

blink.

i'm in my small wooden bed, laying with my tie dye blanket.
and this is my life.
i am constantly at war with my day dreams and reality. in love with the simplicity of my other worlds and totally lost in my actual reality, in my small wooden bed, laying with my tie dye blanket.

and that's something i'm not sure anyone will ever understand.