pieces

i want to
burst
into a
trillion
pieces.

suddenly
& unexpectedly

to feel myself
letting go of everything.
shattered,
scattering
across the world,

and when i reach a peaceful heart,
i'll settle in the sand across the west coast.

oh, what a grand adventure that would be.

@ war

Eyes closed. Heart open.
I'm laying in the tall grass behind my fathers home, playing with the curls sprouting from my head.

blink.

i'm in my small wooden bed, laying with my tie dye blanket.

blink.

I'm about to fall asleep in the sunshine, when suddenly
i'm rolling.
Whenever I let my guard down for 3 seconds, My best and only friend appears to balance my world.

blink.

i'm in my small wooden bed, laying with my tie dye blanket.

blink.

"Get off of me!" I laugh, shoving him to the side. Even though girls my age are normally at home in their studies or playing house with their mothers, usually I'm out with this boy, fighting or stealing from our near by farmers.
"Don't you have people to please?" he taunts me, staring with those marvelous brown eyes. He will be the death of me.

blink.

i'm in my small wooden bed, laying with my tie dye blanket.
and this is my life.
i am constantly at war with my day dreams and reality. in love with the simplicity of my other worlds and totally lost in my actual reality, in my small wooden bed, laying with my tie dye blanket.

and that's something i'm not sure anyone will ever understand.

something you said, pt. 2

i'm so independent.
sometimes, it's annoying.

but something about you
is making me second guess.

you caught me off guard,
that's for certain.

laying under the sun,
thoughts of you consuming my brain.

you're nothing like the last,
and might be the best thing for me.

or maybe you won't be,
but i don't wanna go on wondering, 'what if.'

oh sir,

i'm a mess,
and you're probably just figuring that out.

but if you're okay with that,
i'm okay with trying.

something you said

they all say the same things
but they're just
words.

and it's pathetic how
emotionally attached you can become
to words.

but something you said
is so different
from the words i've heard before.

but i won't let myself fall.
not again
into words that never last.

i'd apologize
for being so difficult
and not believing your words.

but i made a promise to myself
rely on my own and not others
words.

you may say it's me being afraid.
or over protective.
but i don't care.

sticks and stones
may break my bones,
and words will leave a scar.

heartbreak is the reality.

so i will hold my head high
and only rely on the words that will never let me down.
me, myself, and God's words.

try to imagine

i can't imagine
what my life would be like
not knowing what's going to happen to me
after i
die.

dying is a terrifying thing.
you can't deny it, you're afraid of death.
everyone is.
because we're human, and all we've ever known is living.
but i'm glad i have some sort of faith.

i have to trust God that something will happen
when i breathe my last breath.
because if nothing happened to me,
why live at all?
what's to live for?

i just can't afford to think like that.

my life

going on road trips
reminds me of what i want;
simply to be free

you always think

you always think you know what you want

until it begins to happen to you.

& then it's wrong.
it wasn't supposed to feel like this.
wrong.
everything is wrong.
oh so wrong.

& i'll just never really know what's best for me.
so leave my undecided mind behind.
i'm better off this way.