what do you title a post like this?

all of yourvanities
have made me
exhausted.

& i have nothing to
say
anymore.

because you have
nothing
of
value
to say anymore.

your words are
empty
and will be
forgotten.

sorry
if i'm
being
rude.

i'm just frustrated
with how all of you are
becoming the same person.

talking about the same things
wearing the same things
doing the same things.

i remember how
alive
i felt with all of you

everything was
magic
and all of us were
invincible

we used to live for
something
stand for
something

but it's all gone now
and you're all empty hearts
swallowing up souls along the way
trying to
drag
them down with your
substances and sorrow

this is why i've faded away from
all of
you.
from
us.

because you've lost yourselves in your vanities.
& i just can't give up
i can't give in.

i'm sorry i refuse to take part.
i would just rather be alone.

sorry for (not) party rocking.

bouncing

i have so much
bouncing
around
in my
head

but words just
can't seem
to find
my
f
i
n
g
e
r
t
i
p
s
.

can't sleep

when i
can't
sleep
i stare into the darkness
and listen to the sounds of this old house.

i enjoy the quiet
noise
that interrupts my breathing.

but what i love most
are the car lights
that
inhale the
secrets
of my darkness
through my small window
and
fade away
into the night.

defeated

i am
defeated.
yes,
defeated.

something has come over my bones
swelling and muscular pain
everywhere

toes
feet
ankles
knees
hips
fingers
wrists
neck

everywhere.
 
2 doctor visits
blood samples
//
reveal nothing

i am
defeated.
yes,
defeated.

it's painful to get up
to comb my own hair
to open doors
to walk
to put on socks
to put on my coat
to stand
to carry trays
to bag groceries
to draw or type

to have a positive attitude.
to live.

i am
defeated.
yes,
defeated.

where do i go from here?


do i go back to the doctor?
only for them to once again
prescribe a pill that does
nothing
and tell me it's just a
virus.
while my feet and ankles become
balloons.

i am defeated.
yes,
defeated.

my mom suggested that maybe
God is trying to
show me
something
or
i am being
tested
by
God.

well,
I'm
failing.

i have
little
faith.

& i'm sorry.
 
defeated.
yes.
yes.
defeated. 

you're quite handsome

yes.
you're quite handsome.

there is just something about the way
you
present
yourself.

it could just be the glasses
or wonderful smile,
but honestly
i think it's something
much
much
deeper
than looks.

yes, they play a part

but there is something pulling me from
underneath
your looks.

our hearts are
similar
in the way they are
longing for
something

or should i say
someone.

and that is what i need
i need someone who is
thirsty
for something
more
than this life.

i need someone who
has compassion for
what is
real
and not
for what is
temporary.


i need
genuine.
i need
compassion.
i need
my savior.

and i can see him bursting through you.

and that,
my love,
is what makes you handsome.
that marvelous heart that beats beneath your chest
pounding for more than earthly existence.