Gone

"Hello, did you find everything okay?"
"Yes, I did. Thank you."
"Of course. Oh, I love your gauges."
"Hey, thanks! Hey, didn't I go to high school with you?"
"I think so!"
"You were Dane's friend!"
"Yes, I was."
Silence.
"Well thank you, sydney. Have a good evening."
"Thank you. You as well."

My cheeks burn bright red after she walks away.
I just still haven't been able to accept that Dane is gone.
I've pushed it aside and ran away from accepting his death

I just don't want to let go
He's such an amazing person
& I never wanna say that he 'was'

Because I feel like he's still here
When will I feel that he's
Gone?

I love you more than you will ever know

Watching you leave was so hard
& gets harder every time
You belong here, mikayla
You're truly happy here
& it's written on your face

Quiet days are ahead of me
All alone, I sulk in my room
No more forced cuddling
No more talks till 5 in the morning
No more older sister love

I feel so empty
& I know something is missing
You bring out the best in me
I am myself when I'm with you
Without you here, I feel so quiet

I have to push myself to be happy in my home
With you here, it came naturally
I wasn't afraid to stand up for myself
I wasn't afraid to tell the truth
I just wasn't afraid.

I worry about you, out there on your own
All alone, without your big sister
Facing all those high school days
Without your boo there to boss you around
Or tell you that you look beautiful today

You have to face your days without me there to guide you
Bitches and hoes will try to tear you down
Terrible people will offer you terrible things
No one to have a face to face conversation with
Will you make the right decisions?

My heart tells me yes
You are a wonderful girl, Mikayla
Your heart is as big as a lions
Your smile lights up city blocks
& your laugh lifts any heavy heart

I'm just a worry wart
But it's all out of love, I swear it.
You make me feel beautiful
You make me feel sane
You make me feel alive.

"Oh, I know that I am here
& you are there
But we still have our love.
We move just like the moon and sun.
The sun comes up
The moon rolls down.
A world apart, but they don't make a sound.
They know their love spins us round.
I've been to heaven and I've been to hell.
I've been to vegas and God knows where.
But nothing feels like home like you, babe.
I love you more than you will ever know."

Christmas

With pretty lights
Presents wrapped so tight
Laughter erupting from family
Pizza, cookies, smokies
Smiles go round with silly games

I just find myself missing someone
Her laugh isn't found
Her opinion isn't heard
Her breathing isn't bothered
Grandma is missing

She is now alone
Locked away in a nursing home
Pushed into her room
That she must share with a stranger
She is now alone

Grandma, I've never told you
How much I love your company
Even though you always have to win aggravation
Or ask what I'm eating
You never brought tears or anger into my life

Just smiles and stories.

I pray that your condition now isn't permanent
& that you'll be able to recover
I love you, Gram Gram
You're the craziest old woman I've ever met
This Christmas, I've never been more excited to visit a nursing home.

<3 you, sith lord(;

//

Here we go again
You're running through my mind
Everything I touch
See
Feel
Hear
Reminds me of you

I can't forget
& I know that I shouldn't
Because I loved you,
& still do
But I don't want to come back
Because I know my indecisive mind
Will make me run away once again

I promise I will never come back
Ever again
What I did to you was wrong
& I hate myself for that
You deserve so much more
Than a little girl
Lost in her own perfect dream world

So I just pray
That these dreams go away
That these visions of us fade
That these clouds can look any other color than gray
I just want to move on and be able to look and feel things
Without you invading my mind
I never thought this would be so hard.

"I can see it from the other side
The grass isn't always as green
The houses burn to ashes
& I'm no longer in between.
R.I.P. You & me."

Ready or not, here I come.

You’re playing the game you know best
Pretending that you’re innocent

As you send out tasks and words that creep
They cut through my skin and crawl.

& You’re waiting for me to react
To cry out and point my finger

Only for you to shrug your shoulders
& bat your baby eyes,
To make it look like you’re innocent
& I’m just the bitch against you

You’re cleaver, I’ll give you that
But guess what?

You may manipulate and take what you want,
But I will not break to look like the bad person here

You think you’ve set me up to loose?
You’re wrong.

I know how to play this game
You’re in for a mighty surprise.
You’ve taught me well, master.
This young padawan is ready.

Bring it on.

Hello

I'm back!

I've decided that the other blog is just a little too much.
I shall leave it up to post cool pics and videos
But my writing stays here.

<3 Ya'll,

--sydd