I'm a terrible person

I wanted
I waited
I tried
Too hard.

You got to know me.
You've begun to fall for me.
You don't know
I'm no longer into you.

I tried so hard to make you mine. Now that I've got you where I want you, I no longer want you.
Maybe if this would have happened naturally, it would be different. I was just trying to fill a gap in my heart, but I've now only made it bigger.

I tried to break down my walls, but they're not budging. I'm not ready for this.

Right now, I only want to be with my family and friends, and that's not fair for you. You deserve someone who wants to be with you all the time and is ready for the commitment. You deserve better.

The timing was off. There is so much going on that you would never understand. My life is so different from yours and far from easy and I'm not sure you're up for the challenge.

Excuses. Excuses. I could go on and on all day.

Hate me for leading you on.

I would rather have someone break my arm off than feel the pain that I'm feeling right now.

Bad day, but I now feel better.

I have found a new love.
He is under 18, but I'm saving myself for him.
"Are we an item? Girl quit playin.
We're just friends? What are you sayin?!"

Where art thou?
I miss you.
I miss us.
Your laughter is now anger.
Your happiness is now hate.
You've drowned my parents in your drama.
You've brain washed your brother.
You've stolen the attention from your sisters.
Do you care?
No.

You're out getting loaded with your friends.
Every breath of pollution brings you farther from us.
Every fight you get into pulls you away.
But now pulling isn't enough.
You've began to push me away.
I've traded my life to take care of yours and your daughters.
But I've had enough.
I'm done with you.
Don't get me wrong, I'll always love you.
It's just time for me to move on.
I've now realized I have a life of my own.

"And Lord knows I try
To bring back my dreams
Cause I held onto yours for so long that I couldn’t hold my own.

Down, you cant hold me down,
Cause when no one is around
I won't be standing here
Just waiting for you to come back home to me.
Down, you cant hold me down
Because I finally understand
That what you did is
Not so bad. In fact, it’s better for me"

Hate

I hate him.
She hates you.
You hate her.
We hate them.
They hate us.

When does the hate stop?

Goal for the summer:
Stop the hate in my life and live free.

... And spend everyday outside in the beautiful sunshine(:

Optimism

Staring at the clock
My legs begin to bounce
She is talking but I don't hear a word
My thoughts are filled with him
This waiting game will never end
It strikes thirty five and I run to wait
Minutes feel like hours
Thinking he'll never come
Then I see his smile, a radiant glow
He hands it to me and says it was nothing
but nothing is something to me

I'm over flowing with butterflies.

My paint drips like rain in perfect ripples
I choose colors that remind me of her laughter
I barely know her
But my words flow so easily
Loosing track of time, thirty five comes as a surprise
Running out the door
I'm behind, praying she is still there
Seeing her, my heart drops
I hand her simplicity and gain a beautiful smile
Loosing my head, I say goodbye
Wondering when we'll meet again

I'm overflowing with butterflies.

Ryan

Hour long conversations.

Laughs and tears.

Joy and sorrow.

Talk of music, talk of fame.

Friends and enemies.

Fighting for minutes, rebuilding in seconds.

Disagreements of opinions.

Acceptance and guidance.

One minute, you know they're only a text away.

The next, you feel like it can't end this way.

Life goes by, & we die.

High school.

I used to love it.
Why is it now that I can't wait to get out?

What I have learned about high school so far is that kids are brutal. I even catch myself conforming sometimes and it just kills me. We accept our cruel behavior toward others without even realizing it.

High school has taught me that girls are stupid. They get a boyfriend, give them everything, and ditch their friends. Boy dumps girl, girl cries and becomes desperate for love, and then boy changes his mind and the vicious cycle starts all over again, sometimes from the other end as well. Girls that dress up or down just want attention. The girls that give you the time of day to listen are the girls that you want as your friends. The girls that can laugh their ass off at a talking hand or that you can have hour long talks about super heroes deserve to stick around.

High school has taught me that boys that wear letter man jackets or hockey jerseys are mostly jackasses who only want boobs and beer. Boys that wear super hero shirts and silly comb overs are sweet hearts and deserve more than what they get. Boys either want sex or friendship. Luckily, I found friendship.

High school has taught me relationships are stupid and do not last.

High school has taught me that people make mistakes. Either you deny it or you accept it and move forward. Accepting it and moving forward is the best thing to do because that pain can go away or atleast become enough to bare. Continually denying it makes it worse and eventually explodes and bleeds all over and is anything but beautiful.

High school has taught me that the work you put into a friendship can be thrown away in less than three seconds and then five minutes later, someone is begging to start over.

High school has taught me that teachers are your friends. Most of my teachers have taught me that trusting someone is okay and to ask silly dumb questions helps you grow as a person. They have shown me the world and how to become who you are and I'll never be able to thank them enough for that.

High school has taught me that it isn't over yet.