more

i'm so desperate
for something
more
than this place.

high school clingers and rednecks.

driving with my friends around town
loosing myself out the window
wondering
hoping
is this really all there is?

empty buildings and sugar coated people.

no,
i can't stay
no,
hornbachers will not steal my soul
no,
my family will not hold me down.
no,
not again.

mental hospital visits and unknown guests sleeping on the couch.

there has to be more.

my temporary friends have already forgotten about me,
and my puppy has passed on.
no, there is nothing here for me anymore.

ten o'clock curfews and college alcoholics.

there just has to be more.
somewhere out there,
there's more.
i know just know it.
there's more.

time to pour out my brain.

everyone has gone home for the evening. i finally finished all the sweeping and moping, and now all i have to do is
wait.
yes, wait until the clock ticks 10.
because you never know who might need a half pound of chicken breast or a pound of potato salad.
inhale. exhale.
as each minute passes by, i think of everything i've accomplished in my 9 1/2 hour day. i think about what i'll probably be doing tomorrow on my next 9 1/2 adventure.
tick tick. my life slowly passing me by.
and then suddenly i hear a loud thud.
i almost jump right out of my socks. i turn swiftly to the spot my ears have directed me, where the location of the thump could have come from. i make two heavy blinks and decide that i'm just exhausted. that nothing happened, or could have happened. especially since my ears have guided me to the freezer, which hasn't been occupied in about 2 hours.
thump. thump.
what could possibly be happening in there?
thump thump thump.
i feel like one of those stupid kids in the scary movies that go off on their own and get killed, but i can't help it. it's not like i can just ignore it.
i reach forward to touch the freezer handle. it's extremely cold surface sends chills up my spine. as i clamp down on the handle, the hot and cold air mesh, making it hard for me to see. i slowly walk inside as the heavy door shuts behind me before i can turn on the light.
thump. the loudest one of them all releases a squeal from my insides.
suddenly, the lights turn on, but not as they normally do. they shine as bright as a nuclear explosion, causing me to shield my eyes with my right hand and back away, pressing myself against the back of the freezer door.
then, it's blocked and all i can see is..
the 7 ft tall multi colored yeti.
"good evening, madam." he says kindly, in his deep voice.
"hello." is all i can say.
as we stand there and stare at each other, the lights slowly dim to an adjustable light. i am able to put my hand to my side and stand awkwardly between mr. yeti and the door.
he finally breaks the silence and says, "i don't mean to be rude, sydney. but i have a lot of work to get done. so if you'd please.." he points to the door behind me.
"oh, of course! i am very sorry." i apologize, "i'll let you get back to your, uhm, project. could you maybe keep quiet in here though?" i whisper. i don't know how the other employees would handle such a big, multi colored, time traveling yeti.
"oh yes. i'm terribly sorry. have a good evening." he rushes his words as he basically pushes me out of the freezer.
"alrighty then." i say, and turn around toward the clock.


it's now 10 p.m..
and it's time for me to go home.

self destruct

it's difficult to watch someone
destroy themself.
to witness them become someone
you know they're not.
self inflicted harm and drug use.
as little tikes,
none of this was in our adventures.
none of this was in our dreams.
but i guess neither was growing up.
everything was perfect.
and now it's time to
self destruct
3. 2. 1.